Way back in college when I was working towards my minor in psychology, I took a class where we learned about different phenomena of the brain. One that has always stuck with me in particular is your mind’s propensity to notice something far more often after you start looking for it. It’s called the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon and if you’re totally confused as to what I’m talking about, you can read the best explanation I can find here. I bring up this weird fun fact for you, because I’ve been experiencing this syndrome of sorts when it comes to a very specific mom emotion.
It’s the feeling that I should savor these moments while my babies are young, despite the fact that it is so darn difficult at times. I keep seeing poems on Facebook, text messages from friends with similar sentiments, and even my own sister sent me a quote that reminded her of me now that I have the craziness of two little ones to care for. Ready for a tear-inducing sample? Here’s a quote by someone simply known as “AK”:
You will never be this loved again. So on those days when you are feeling stressed out, touched out, and depleted, just remember that you will never be this loved again. One day you will long for their affection. So choose a soft voice, choose gentle hands, choose love.
Oy vey, right? I read that and immediately had to fight back the rush of emotions. I’ve been in that spot so many times. Where I can’t answer one more mind-numbing question, where I just want five minutes to myself, where I am so not interested in waking up at 3 am for the 500th night in a row. It’s easy to choose frustration in that moment. It’s easy to ever so slightly resent the fact that other young people your age are out partying into the wee hours of the morning and you’re already so far down this road of parenting.
But then they smile. Then they offer up a little coo of happiness at your arrival to their crib. Or better yet, they wrap their arms around you and tell you, “You’re the best, mom.” And you realize it’s true. You will never be this loved again. This wanted. Sure, your husband loves you, and of course your kids will always (God willing) love you, but they won’t always stare into your eyes with a longing to know everything about you. Like you’re their hero. Like your hugs and kisses have the power to make any problem go away.
No, at some point I know I won’t mean as much to my babies as I do now. I’m going to slip down their priority list, not because they don’t care about me, but because mom isn’t always as cool as new friends, boyfriends, and of course I don’t want to be the most important thing in their life when they’re 50. But yes, just like the quote says, I can already sense that when that day comes I will long for their attention. I will miss the days when I couldn’t accomplish anything on my to-do list because a little one kept interrupting, “Mommy, I want you to play with ME!”
What an honor it is to be a mom. What an absolute privilege it is to have someone trust you, love you, admire you so much. And yet I am human enough that at times that much responsibility can feel overwhelming. Perhaps that’s why these sentiments of valuing this time have been popping up in front of me so much lately. Because this season of my life is slipping through my fingers even as we speak, so to waste even a second is a travesty. I don’t want to miss it, because it’s true: I will never be this loved again.
XO,
A
