What does it mean to be a good mom?
Do you have to look like you’re not a mom at all? As in, your nails are done, and you’re rocking those white Michael Kors jeans? Because that must mean you’ve got it together, and of course your little one would never dream of spilling apple juice all down your designer outfit.
The perfect mom?
Or does it mean you dedicate your life to your children, never taking time for yourself and making sure to raise them to be future Presidents of the United States? Are you only a good mom if you breastfeed for an extended amount of time, or homeschool, or only allow your children to eat organic, farm-raised beef?
Nobody tells you that once you become a mom, all these thoughts and more will be bouncing around in your head as you hold a sleeping baby who just will not sleep in her crib. Or when you drop said baby off for her first day of school. Constantly worrying, constantly questioning, what does it mean to be a good mom? Am I one?
Sure, deep down every mom knows she loves her kids without reserve, and without hesitation would do anything to protect them from harm. We do our best to make sure their lives are peachy perfect. But do others looking in see it that way? Can they understand the sacrifices you’re making, and that you’re just trying to do the best you can?
Before I had kids, I can now admit that I tended to judge other moms at first glance. If their kids weren’t behaving, if they were mixing up a bottle of formula, or if they were talking about how they couldn’t wait to get that epidural and enjoy the pain-free bliss of a C-Section. But now, 8 months into it, I am more apt to fully appreciate the entire scope of motherhood. There are days where a little one is going to have a tantrum. I myself was forced to supplement with formula for a few months, and had to fight like hell to keep breastfeeding. And although I was fortunate enough to have the natural, medication-free birth that I wanted, I have heard from many other women who have found peace with their C-Section. Just as I make the choices I do for my child, other women too are simply finding the best path for their family.
Yes, motherhood is amazingly difficult. Yes, it is also incredibly rewarding. But we have got to stop putting additional pressure on ourselves to achieve perfection for the piercing stare of others. I took my little one to her “school” yesterday for the very first time and bawled my eyes out. I couldn’t help but think of my mom who raised us at home, only taking us to the occasional sitter. Had I failed because I was admitting I need help every day, for four hours a day? I hope at some point I can come to the realization that I’m just a mom, trying her best, just like I realized the same for all the women I judged before.
But no, I will not have so ground-breaking a realization that you find me wearing white Michael Kors jeans. At least not for a few years, anyways.
Cora and I, Photo: mean-baby.com
XO,
A
