Kelsey,
Right now you’re still asleep, but when you wake up the next 48 hours are going to be some of the craziest of your life. It’s the day before your wedding, and you’re probably
already having trouble sleeping out of pure excitement. It’s been almost four years since I had that same feeling on my wedding weekend, but I can put myself back there mentally so easily. As much as I tried to soak it all in, I inevitably felt like I blinked and it was all over. Months and months of planning, and you’re married in an instant. I’m so happy to be by your side as your Matron (bleh – I’m old) of Honor, and I’ll have a few words for you at the reception. But as your big sister, I’ve always had a plethora of “advice” for you over the years, whether you’ve wanted it or not. So while the wedding will be perfect and everything you dreamed of, believe it or not the marriage itself will take even more work. I’m only four years in myself, but I’ve always had a head start in life on you. Not because I’m better at it, mom just gave birth to me first. So here’s one more chunk of unsolicited advice from me before you start your own path with Jeff by your side.
1. There will be times you’ll want to call home, but don’t.
Someday Jeff will do something silly like forget to take the trash out, and it will turn into this ridiculous argument that leaves you forgetting why it started in the first place. Someday you’ll have an off day and feel like he just doesn’t get you. You might even get to the point where you think about calling home, or calling me, or just venting to somebody about the audacity of that husband of yours to forget to take the trash out – AGAIN. I’m always here if you need me, but you’ve got to be a big girl now. Jeff is your partner for life, so it’s up to you two to make it work, not anybody else. You can’t call Dad to fix it like the leaky air conditioning in your college apartment, as much as you might want to. When you’ve got issues, talk about them. Be the bigger person and say the first “I’m sorry.” I can promise you that more will follow.
2. There will be times you’ll be too busy, slow down.
There are times where you and I go weeks without talking because we’re both just so busy. And even though you and Jeff will drool over each other this weekend and during the honeymoon (barf – sorry), there will come a day when work, maybe kids, volunteering, and a thousand other little things have gotten in the way of something as simple as just LOOKING at each other. Really, truly taking the time to see the other person, and I don’t just mean a quick glance in their direction. Put away the work emails, they’ll still be there tomorrow. Forget about that one client you forgot to call back, they’ll survive. Take the time to keep dating each other, beyond just dinner and a movie. Find a new way to pique his interest, because it’s easy to let one’s interests wander. Never stop taking the time to nurture your relationship, because it’s a living, breathing thing.
3. There will be times you think you can’t love him more, and then you will.
I know right now you think Jeff is “numero uno” in your book, but you’ll be amazed how much your love for him will grow after you’ve called him your husband for the thousandth time. After you’ve unpacked the wedding presents and forgotten who gave you what. After you’ve done the dishes a hundred times and folded his underwear so often it doesn’t weird you out any more. That’s the spot where you’ll discover what real love is. In the ordinary rhythm of life. In the insane madness that is raising a family, if you so choose. In the moments where you realize how much you’ve seen him grow, and how far you’ve come together. I used to wonder if people were right that marriage is just a piece of paper, but I can assure you those people are completely, utterly wrong. You will feel a new sense of partnership with Jeff when you realize the significance of pledging your life to him, in front of all your friends, family, and most importantly, God. Your goals and dreams will be forever intertwined, but I promise you it’s for the better. Never forget that.
{Do you remember this photo? You’re looking at me, on my wedding day. I’ll probably be looking at you the same way tomorrow.}
I love you sister, and I will fight fiercely to make sure you’re happy. Be brave, take this next step, and never look back. It’s easy to wonder if the grass is greener somewhere else, but marriage isn’t about multiple options, or the easy route for that matter. You’re either in, 100% and with your whole being, or you’re not. Choose to jump in with Jeff, and don’t let go.
XO,
A
