As this pregnancy winds down, I can’t help but feel a bit relieved that my weekly bump updates are also coming to an end. As fun as it was in week 20 to track my growing belly, I’d be lying if I said it was just as exciting in week 40. I know someday I’ll treasure these photos and thinking back to this time, but the things I’ve learned about myself taking these shots each week has been a bit of a surprise.
First, I didn’t realize how much effort it would take in the last few weeks. Maternity clothes are tough, even when you’ve hunted down the best places to shop and picked the most versatile pieces available. Especially in the home stretch, when all you want is to be comfortable, it took some serious will power to decide I was going to put an outfit together that I felt good about. And it was a relief some days to get out of those heels or tight jeans and back into sweatpants and a sweatshirt. It’s not glamorous, it’s not pretty, but it’s real life. I know pregnancy clothes are a niche market and plenty of retailers think it’s not profitable, but man we can do so much better. I hope the options have expanded even more if we become expectant again.
Second, I didn’t see the impact on my eating or exercise habits that I thought I would. In my mind, I thought the weekly bump updates and including my weight gain as a part of that would motivate me to watch what I was eating, stay in the gym regularly, and keep that number within a reasonable window. I don’t think I’ve gained significantly more than I did with Cora, but I found little to no inspiration to keep the pounds off because of my weekly photos. If anything they were just a glaring reminder that I was, indeed, growing a good size bump along with a (God willing) good size baby. I didn’t limit myself to just one chocolate chip cookie because of the bump updates, and I’m not sure why I had that expectation in the first place. I should have known myself better that I was going to eat what I wanted regardless of impending scale check-ins.
Third, I didn’t think I would struggle so much with my self image. As if your emotions and hormones aren’t raw enough during pregnancy, it was tough to put my weight, outfit struggles, and stretch mark battles out there for the world to see. Much, much harder than I thought it would be. I have always thought of myself as a confident person, but now I see that my perceptions of my body are nonetheless flawed and tender. It doesn’t matter if 100 people are telling you you’ve got the pregnancy glow, if you don’t see it within yourself it may be falling on deaf ears. How sad is that? I hope with my friends who are going through similar self esteem issues during pregnancy will know that I’m being genuine when I say they look beautiful. And I hope I can look back on my own photos and believe that as well.
So all in all, this post feels like a bit of a downer, but I guess I just wanted my fellow preggos out there to know it’s ok to feel self-conscious during pregnancy. It’s ok to feel awkward about your pregnancy weight gain and your eating habits. And when strangers give you a compliment, even though you might not see it in yourself, the best you can do is take a moment to really let what they’ve said soak in. This is a temporary moment for your body, but your mind will remember how you felt about yourself forever. Let’s do our best to make sure it’s a good memory.
XO,
A
