Today’s post is from the very funny, very talented Amanda Reyna! I’m trying to hold back the postpartum hormonal tears while reading, so I know you’ll love it as well!
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There are so many lessons I’ve learned since I’ve become a mom, and I know there are many more to learn. As soon as the words, “I’m pregnant” leave your mouth, people in your life begin to line up to offer advice. Some of it can be useful (“drink lots of water!”); some of it can be bunk (“babies just cry sometimes, don’t pick them up all the time”).
Mom Lesson #1: Trust your gut.
When Olivia was born, we were told that she was jaundiced and needed to stay in the hospital until her bilirubin improved. The nurses encouraged her success by providing us with formula to supplement her. Because my colostrum/milk wasn’t enough? In our delirium, we offered it to her once. My husband was quicker to recover from the post-delivery party-fog and encouraged me to keep her latched as much as possible. This is when my Gut woke up: I would not feed my baby formula because SHE WAS FINE! So she looked a little yellow, but she was alert, nursing, cooing, and basically doing well. We were there for a total of four days waiting for her “levels to improve” and each day we were provided with formula.
There were moments there when I was holding that formula and felt like I needed to use it because a medical professional was telling me to. Gut quickly took over and dumped it in the trash – we were going to breastfeed as long as possible and I was going to get help to make sure that happened.
I was told by a well-meaning co-worker that nursing more than four months would spoil Olivia and rot her teeth.
Mom Lesson #2: do your research.
Attachment parenting quickly became a familiar topic to me. I poured through “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.” And what I found was that no, I’m not spoiling my child and no, her teeth aren’t going to rot. When she turned four months old, her daycare provider asked to start feeding her cereal to keep her full and help her grow (she’s a petite baby). I politely declined and shared my reasons. While they were supportive, I did become that “hippie” mom who was going to nurse her baby FOREVER! Or at least, in their minds more than six weeks was scandalous. I came across Baby Lead Weaning online not much later and found that Olivia was ready to skip baby food and move right on to table food. ALL the foods, by the fistfuls. By the time she was ten months old, she nursed and ate enough food to put a linebacker to shame.
“Sleep when baby sleeps” is a crock of crap {Editor’s Note: Amanda used a different word that rhymes with pit, but my grandma reads this 🙂 }.
Mom Lesson #3: it will be at least two years before you get more than one full night’s rest.
Baby will fool you early on with one MAYBE two nights of lengthy sleep then BLAMMO! IN YOUR FACE, SLEEP! Olivia’s sleep cycle was two hours long for a year. A YEAR! Did I mention that my husband was deployed when Olivia was six months old? No overnight relief. There were many nights when I slept on the floor in her room while I held her hand until she passed out for a bit. There were nights when we bed shared while I binge watched “The Secret Life of an American Teenager” (hormones). My sleep happened while I pumped at the office. After baby number two, I can live off five hours of sleep and a cup of chai. You adapt.
Mom Lesson #4: Let it go.
There are piles of stuff everywhere since Olivia was born. This became a bigger problem when Trixie was born. Mail. Papers. Unhung pictures. Empty Amazon boxes. Clean clothes. Socks. Books. Legos. EVERYWHERE. There are stains on floors and carpets that I am unable to identify. The fridge gets dirty the minute I finish cleaning it. The house is turned upside down one hour after the cleaning lady leaves. It doesn’t matter. Let that go. These moments are fleeting. I have to remind myself daily to not worry about cleaning all the time, to sit and be silly with my babies and laugh and cuddle. They will remember that more than whether or not the house was clean all the time.
Which brings me to:
Mom Lesson #5: Be present.
I work full time and am in the process of launching my own business so that I can spend more time with my family. I wake up thinking about the morning routine: get dressed/brush teeth/brush hair/don’t forget deodorant/wake and dress first sleepy child/wake and dress second sleepy child while she has a meltdown/serve breakfasts/pack my lunch/pack diaper bag/pack afternoon snack/do I need coffee?/what am I planning for dinner? Rush to day care, try not to slap anyone at work/don’t forget to pump, reverse the process and get home to start dinner/unpack all bags/eat/bathe everyone/nurse the baby to sleep/read to Olivia/snuggle Olivia to sleep/take a shower/watch TV with husband/pass out/start over.
With all of that happening, I have to stop myself daily and BREATHE: be in the moment with my family to ENJOY them. It’s not easy. There is so much I want to do/need to do. But these little moments pass so quickly. I have to be IN IT to also teach the girls to do the same.
I’m happy to report Olivia nursed for fifteen months and self-weaned while we were on vacation. There are few foods she will not eat (her favorite right now is Beef Pho). On her second birthday, she began sleeping through the night. All the pregnancy heartburn I had meant squat; this kid was practically bald until her second birthday. She is a curious, independent whirlwind of a child who dresses her boy babies in dresses, wears her small dolls in a purse-sling, knows what boobs are for and what her vulva is. She wears her heart on her sleeve and wants to be everyone’s friend.
Trixie has been nursing for ten months now. Her sleep cycle is at three and half hours. She has six teeth now, and she also eats like her sister. She looks up to Olivia already, and has the biggest smile when she comes near.
I’m not perfect. Parenting is hard. I somewhat dread puberty and all the emotionally-fueled fights to come. There will be tears. There will be moments when no one can let anything go. But I’m working on a new lesson: I’m not perfect, but to them, I am.
