The internet is rampant with best and worst dressed already, but we would be remiss not to mention our favorites and not-so-favorites because, after all, isn’t the fashion the only interesting part about the Oscars anyway?

Best Dressed

1. Gwyneth Paltrow

 

 

She looked so cool and effortless in her Calvin Klein Collection gown. The fabric looked so beautiful on camera– It looked like liquid gold. It was so modern, just a tad edgy, but really beautiful. It was styled perfectly, with her stick straight hair and Louis Vuitton jewels. Also, the dress was tailored perfectly to her body, no strange pulls or folds anywhere in the gown. I just thought she looked flawless.

 

2. Mila Kunis

 

 

I just thought this Elie Saab Couture gown was exceptionally beautiful. She pulls off this ultra-feminine shade without looking overly girly. Again, she’s just styled flawlessly and the gown fits her so well.

 

3. Natalie Portman

 

 

Kudos to Natalie for making pregnancy look effortless, and for winning an Oscar as well in her stunning Rodarte dress. The shade was so unusual and was just divine on her skin. The dress highlighted her voluptuous body while still looking so, so elegant. Loved the detail of her berry-colored tassel earrings from Tiffany and Co.

 

Honorable mentions go to Jennifer Lawrence in her red Calvin Klein Collection dress, which looked so hip and young. I love that it was a frill-free dress but it still looked so formal. Her hair was also so bombshell-hot.

Also, I adored Cate Blancett’s Givenchy Haute Couture dress, even though I know that the internet has mixed feelings about it. It was definitely a risk, but I thought the leather beads and crystals were so lovely, and just the little bit of yellow up around the collar was so unusual! I will say (and you won’t hear me say this often because I feel women should wear whatever the hell they want) that this dress wouldn’t have worked on a woman with a large chest. Can you imagine how that large circle would look wrapped around a huge pair of knockers? It woulda looked like “Hellooooo these are my breasts!” Not good, non?

The Worst Dressed

1. Nicole Kidman

This Dior Haute Couture dress looked like a cheap bridal gown. It was bedazzled to high heaven and I thought it was going to have a big booty bustle in the back. Those red shoes just do not work with the gown. Maybe if this gown was in a great color it would have worked better for me, but it really looked like she borrowed something out of my Barbie’s closet circa 1989. She looks so good in so many colors, WHY would she choose white? At least her make-up looked good.

2. Amy Adams

Poor Amy Adams. She looked so stunning in a rich navy L’Wren Scott dress. The dress looked great and it fit her so well. Then she had to go and ruin it with terrible jewelery, hair and make-up. I would have styled this outfit completely different. I would have told her to wear her hair in a bouncy high ponytail to show off her beautiful neck. With her hair down and her collar so high, she looks like she’s being choked.  The emerald jewels are nice on their own, and the emerald works well with the dress, but the dress is so dark the jewels should have really popped.  I just wanted more. I would have told her to find the boldest green (or even multi-colored) gemstone earrings she could find. If she would have preferred a necklace, the canvas that the high neck creates would have been perfect for a bold collar necklace. I would have skipped the Cartier jewels that she picked. I would have stuck with super retro make-up too. Amy, time to hire a new stylist!

3. Jennifer Hudson and her pale boobies.

I thought Jennifer looked stunning from the neck up and from the bust down. That color orange was really lovely on her, too. Did anyone else, however, notice that her boobies were pale as moonlight? It was downright distracting and really cheapened her outfit. We all have tan lines… boobs should be pale… but how easy would it have been to give the girls a quick spray, or a pat down with bronzer? Also, you could very easily see the tailoring lines around the bust area where her dress has been altered. It’s VERSACE!  You don’t tailor a Versace gown like you’re hemming a pair of blue jeans. Atrocious! Also, she wore boring purple shoes. So wrong.

NOTE: My issue’s with her pale boobies has nothing to do with her skin color. I just think all women who have tan lines should have them blended to avoid them taking away from her look.

 

Before I leave you, I’d also like to say that for me, the Oscar for how to be a real woman should go to Helen Mirren, Annette Benning and Oprah Winfrey, who all looked so stunning They wore classic gowns that suited their bodies and still looked chic and modern. I pray to the Genetic Gods that I age with a rack like Mirren’s. Just sayin’. Kudos to them, I hope I can age as gracefully.

XO,

K