Today’s post is written by my sister, Kelsey. She’s only eighteen months younger than I am, but I think you’ll see she is wise beyond her years. She’s recently decided to make a very personal, private decision, but I asked her to write about it here because I think it’s important for others to understand. As her sister, I worry for her safety first and foremost, but as a mother I think what she’s doing is nothing short of heroic. Read on below and enjoy photos from throughout my sister’s fantastic, accomplished life as well. 🙂

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My name is Kelsey, Iʼm 25 years old, and Iʼm about to be a part of the single biggest life event that some people will ever experience…

But hereʼs the funny thing – I have everything to do with it, but Iʼm removed from all of it.  Does this riddle give you any hints? Any wild guesses what I could be embarking on? If youʼre extremely lucky you may have guessed that I am about to be an egg donor, and you would be correct. Just after the New Year Iʼll begin a long journey to help a young couple bring their first child into the world and the possibilities are both incredible and terrifying.

If youʼre anything like me you probably already had some thoughts jump through your head as soon as you read the words ʻegg donorʼ. If youʼre a female you undoubtedly put yourself in that situation in a millisecond and probably had one of two reactions: “Oh wow! That would be so cool!” -or- “Oh wow! I donʼt think I could ever do that!” Many of us walk around with somewhat of an opinion on the matter but with very little facts, and that again makes us one and the same. I debated for quite some time whether or not I would want my friends and family to know this article was written by me but I can proudly say today that my bashfulness has subsided. Iʼve chosen this, and I want to share my experience because you may be very closely linked to egg donation, whether you or someone you know are an egg donor or an intended parent. Even if youʼre not, greater understanding is always a beautiful thing, right?

My path to being an egg donor did not start because of my own conviction. Since deciding to be an egg donor Iʼve read stories of women that had dreamed of the opportunity to help families for many years before they made their first donation. Truthfully, I barely knew the world of egg donation existed before a conversation with my client started it all. Like most newlyweds Iʼm constantly (no seriously, itʼs never ending) being asked when my husband Jeff and I want to have children. At 25 years old I donʼt know if children will ever be right for me, but right now they are certainly not. After answering my client with a similar answer she abruptly told me that if Iʼm not going to put my “good genetics” to use, I should at least allow someone else to. She was only kidding about the good genetics part, but this sparked an incredible conversation that led to her telling me about her experience as an egg donor. I had so many questions and concerns but I was immediately drawn to this opportunity because of a woman, a friend, that is near and dear to me. A woman that was not able to have children of her own. A woman that I have cried with and prayed for since the first time she shared her deepest and darkest sorrow with me. In my eyes, I wasnʼt helping a stranger, I was helping her.

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Another woman that influenced my decision was my sister, Aquila. Many of you know that Aquila and Orlando endured the pain of a miscarriage not even a year ago. Witnessing her heart hurt for a baby she was never able to meet brought this very distant world right to my front door. I will never be able to imagine what a mother goes through when her own body turns into her greatest enemy, but I can help that mother. I can try to put a small patch over that hole in her heart by re-opening the door to motherhood through egg donation. What greater way can I give of myself to someone in need?

The happily ever after to this story is a squishy, smiling baby in the arms of ecstatic parents but there are a lot of steps in between to get there. This is the part that I knew nothing about. My client that has experience as an egg donor actually put me in contact with her representative but I didnʼt make any moves until I did my homework on the organization that I would potentially be representing. After digging and digging I felt comfortable enough to make the first phone call. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the woman who would be coordinating my first egg donation was extremely professional and patient with me throughout my hundreds of questions. Shame on me for being so doubtful. After some brief personal questions over the phone I was directed to the website of the coordinating agency. The questionnaire I completed was actually the first thing about the process that made me feel a little weird. I was asked about everything from my sexual preference to the severity of my teenage acne. Was I athletic? Do I have an advanced degree? It was question after question that only led to me feeling more and more like livestock. It really leaves you thinking about your worth as a human being, not as a person. It was something I had never considered before, but it wasnʼt necessarily insulting. I put myself in the shoes of the intended parents and I could see validity to every question. If this were my future child, my baby boy or baby girl, I would scrutinize every single donor.

It did, however, make me feel sad in a way. Due to necessary limitations the intended parents only know the version of me that can fit on a questionnaire. They donʼt know what my laugh sounds like (my siblings would probably say thatʼs a good thing) or what kind of heart I truly have. They donʼt know that when Iʼm the happiest the first thing I usually do is cry, or that I turn into a complete lunatic when my house is dirty. It doesnʼt fit in their multiple choice questions, yet here I am, helping them have a child that will share half of my genetics. This was the first time that it felt so personal, yet so disconnected and I finally realized how emotional this journey might be.

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The next step was for me to be cleared by a physician. I had to have an updated medical history and I needed to be approved for the task. Shortly thereafter I got to meet my representative face to face. After plenty of paperwork she got to the nitty gritty details. She took her time in explaining every single step of the egg donation process and it didnʼt exactly leave me feeling warm and fuzzy inside. This is a shortened, very non-medical explanation: The first step, simply enough, was for me to actually be chosen by intended parents. Some egg donors complete their profile and are never chosen. Next, before I ever began the extensive physical testing I would meet with a psychiatrist for a full evaluation. The next appointment would be with my primary physician that would see me throughout the egg donation cycle. As long as all was approved we would move ahead! At this point the intended mother and I need to be on identical cycles. Iʼll be placed on hormonal treatments to ensure that synchronization, and then the real fun begins.

Iʼll be cast off on my own to give myself injections 3-5 times per day for up to 14 days. The optimistic side of me heard this and thought Iʼd have to use some type of EpiPen mechanism in my arm for those injections. In reality Iʼll have a full sized syringe and Iʼll have to inject myself in a one inch circle around my belly button. Did I mention it was for 14 days straight? Right around my belly button? Just checking. This series of injections will cause my body to produce an abundance of eggs that will be ready to be harvested. I will be required to see my doctor every single day during these injections and the ultrasounds will hopefully ensure my safety. Many women report that the most common symptoms (not major emergencies, which can and do occur) are severe bruising around the belly button, bloating, and abdominal pain.

The last official step is egg retrieval. I will be completely unconscious during this procedure and many egg donors suffer through a long recovery process. My point is that this is very much so a real surgery, not the fluffy version I had in mind when I first got started. The physician will actually pierce through my uterine wall with a hollow needle and retrieve the eggs from my ovaries by extracting them. The last unofficial step is the recovery process. Many women experience extreme abdominal pain, pain during urination, extreme bloating, nausea, and much more. I donʼt tell you this for sympathy and certainly not for praise but so you know the real version. If youʼre considering being an egg donor you should be prepared as much as possible. This is the version that was told to me by my representative and I greatly appreciated the honesty.

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So now, I wait. I wait for January to come so we can finally begin this process. I was selected by two young adults to help them bring a child into this world. Thatʼs all of the information Iʼll ever have. If I so choose, I can contact my agency approximately 9 months after my retrieval date and theyʼre able to tell me if thereʼs a baby. Thatʼs it. Iʼll never know if itʼs a little boy or a little girl or if theyʼre healthy. Iʼll never know if they choose to tell their child that they were conceived by using an egg donor. This family that Iʼm so closely connected with knows everything about me and I know nothing about them. Iʼve been told that this is the harsh reality of being an egg donor but it doesnʼt make that pill any easier to swallow.

This crazy and wonderful journey that Iʼve started has left me with so much to think about and process. It has left me feeling…

Excited. I try to imagine how the intended parents must feel on a daily basis. Theyʼve been on such a trying and heartbreaking path Iʼm sure they must be anxious. Theyʼre so close to seeing ultrasounds and feeling little kicks! How will they ever contain their excitement while they see their families and friends over Christmas and New Yearʼs? I feel so lucky to be a part of it all! My excitement is for them and sometimes I pray they can sense that somehow. I feel honored to have been chosen for such a beautiful and important thing.

Nervous. I would be concerned about the mental state of anyone that can read the detailed version of the medical procedures ahead and not be nervous. Itʼs silly but I already give myself anxiety about that huge needle. Phew.

Scared for my husband. Jeff is a huge part of this that shouldnʼt be left out. This entire thing has actually given him a lot of anxiety. Heʼs my ultimate protector. Anything I feel or endure, he feels too. Only multiplied by ten. He worries for my safety and health and although Iʼll do everything on my end to make this smooth, there are no guarantees. Jeff and his huge heart would personally take the blame because he didnʼt succeed in talking me out of it if something were to happen. Despite his concerns Iʼve decided to go ahead with this and he supports me fully (but he may sulk a little, haha).

Scared for me. There are so many facets to my fear I donʼt even know where to begin. Intended parents donʼt want to hear this, and who would blame them, but Iʼm scared egg donation will damage me in an unforeseeable way. Of course I think Iʼll be fine now, but I have no idea how I might feel if I do have my own children one day. Will it cause more hurt when my own children will never meet the child that shares their genetics? What if Iʼm shocked to find I canʼt have children of my own 8 years from now? I already have some feelings of being “used” for something rather than being a part of something, what if that feeling worsens as time goes on? Will it hurt me to never have the opportunity to meet the child I helped create? Iʼve had to decide that I cannot let fear of the unknown keep me from the greater good. Thatʼs the only way I can move forward with my egg donation.

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Some of these things are uncomfortable to admit because so much of it could be misinterpreted. Egg donors are sometimes treated like a threat because they have emotions. The uncomfortable truth is that we can be very emotionally involved, but it doesnʼt mean that we view ourselves as a parent. It means that we chose to be an egg donor for the right reasons, and not for the money. It means that we have a special place in our heart for that child and for the intended parents and in a way youʼre our family now. You always will be.

Stay tuned for Part II. Iʼll be writing again after my egg donation!

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What are your experiences with egg donation? Is it something you would do? Tell me!

XO,

A