If you’ve read Cora’s birth story (Part One and Part Two), you know that she was born in a birth center. If that’s an unfamiliar term to you, it’s essentially a happy-medium between a home birth and a hospital birth. We had a midwife, I was never given any pain medication, and I was free to move about and eat/drink throughout my labor. If, however, I would have needed to transfer for an emergency or a c-section, the birthing center was located in the Medical Center of San Antonio and literally across the street from any number of excellent hospitals. As first time parents, it made us happy to know that we were choosing the birth we wanted, with the reassurance that all would be well should my labor need intervention.
As it turned out, I was able to deliver Cora med-free, with the help of my midwife, her assistant, and of course my husband and mother. The room at the birth center was like a comforting bedroom with warm colors, artwork on the walls, and a big tub to labor in. Still, though, I always tell people if you would have asked me five seconds after delivery if I wanted to do it med-free again, I would have had some strong words for you. Now that I’m almost three years separated from that pain though, I can tell you I am wholeheartedly choosing a midwife this time around as well. The same midwife who delivered Cora as a matter of fact! The only difference is this time we are planning on a home birth instead of at the birthing center.
I’ve found so far that it’s not too much of a leap for our family and closest friends to understand that we’re making this next step, but for people who were unaware of our birth story in the first place it’s still taking a bit of explaining. There are still misconceptions out there and frequently asked questions that send me in to a whirlwind of facts and figures. But perhaps the most important part for people to understand, in my opinion, is the emotional side of your labor and delivery with a midwife. So, for the record, this is why we feel a midwife is the right choice for our family.
1. The experience is centered around you and your wishes.
When we first found out we were expecting, we watched the documentary The Business of Being Born. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it whether you think a natural birth is for you or not. As we tried to sort through the myriad of options in San Antonio, we planned three separate visits: one to a traditional OB/GYN, one to a hospital midwife practice, and one to a birthing center. The OB/GYN spent about three minutes in the room with us, could’ve cared less that we were first time parents and excited out of our minds, and charged us for unnecessary bloodwork right off the bat. The hospital midwife practice couldn’t guarantee which midwife I would have for my birth, and we still ended up meeting with an OB/GYN who said that she would be right there in case anything were to go wrong and I needed a c-section. Our last option, the birthing center, immediately felt like home. It was inviting, understanding, and the midwife giving us a tour spent an additional hour with us just going over questions, fielding concerns from Orlando, and doing it all with grace and compassion. From that point on, the decision was easy.
Every appointment I’ve had with both Cora and baby number two has lasted around an hour, and my midwife Jennifer takes the time to ask how I am, emotionally, physically, mentally. She wants to hear about the whole picture: nutrition, sleep, exercise, baby movements, and of course all the medical side as well. I can sit and bemoan my lack of patience with Cora lately and she’ll recommend parenting books to ease my parenting pain. Speaking of Cora, she’s welcome at every appointment, can take a nap on the comfy couch while I get my blood pressure done, and they always have a basket of toys ready if she decides to play. I never waste time sitting in a waiting room, and my appointments are only once a month so I’m not bogged down with extra tests, bloodwork, or random extras to rack up my bill.
When it comes to making decisions for our pregnancy and newborn, every step is discussed and we only proceed with my permission. I’m encouraged to do my research and decide what’s best for me. My midwife never pushes her personal beliefs on medication, post-delivery care, or placenta encapsulation on me, but she is willing to talk it through with me until I feel comfortable. I love that every move we make focuses on my baby and I, not a hospital’s budget or doctor’s schedule.
2. Safety is the top priority, but mother-baby connection is a close second.
People often want to know if I was worried what would happen should I end up needing a c-section or emergency care. But after doing my research and reading a FANTASTIC book called Birthing from Within, I realized that not only was my midwife completely capable of handling most any issue, if we did need to transfer she would see it coming a mile away. It wouldn’t be this sudden panic, it would be a calm, collective decision to go to the hospital and proceed with my labor from there. And that would be ok. Even with this pregnancy, I trust that if I end up needing intervention, it’s because I truly need it. I believe with all my heart that my midwife is capable of guiding me through this journey, but she will place the health of my baby and myself above any quest for natural processes.
The beauty of placing your life in the hands of someone who both wants the best for you and believes you can do it exactly the way you envisioned is you’re able to have these special moments that may not take place in a medicated delivery. Literally right after Cora was born, she went on to my chest and stayed there for as long as I wanted. She took her first breaths in my arms, she cried in my arms, and we both laid there skin to skin just absorbing the enormity of what just happened. No one whisked her away for tests or a newborn scan. In fact, when it was finally time to take her height, weight, and other vitals, she was right next to me on the bed, as the picture below shows. We were able to make our first awkward attempts at breastfeeding with minutes of her arrival. And because my baby was right next to me from the minute she was born, I never had to wonder how she was doing or if she needed anything. I understand that lots of hospitals are making efforts to make mother-baby connection a bigger part of the picture, but I loved that midwives don’t have to implement a new strategy to make this happen. It’s simply a part of the way they’ve been doing things for generations, and it’s guaranteed to be a top priority. It’s not just some new policy that may or may not be enforced.
3. It’s empowering as a woman and mother.
Perhaps one of the greatest moments when doing my research for my first delivery came when I realized that my body was made to do this. I’m a healthy, strong woman and interfering with what my body is naturally inclined to do just doesn’t make sense. I think the experience of trusting my body to do something amazing has given me a sense of confidence that has carried over to my career, my marriage, and my life in general. It also set me up for success as a first-time mom when the challenges of breastfeeding, swaddling, and just plain old survival with a newborn came along. I had this constant morale booster in the back of my mind that I had delivered this baby without so much as a Tylenol, surely I can figure out how to feed, clothe, and bathe her.
We need more women in this world who know their own strength. Who believe in their ability to achieve seemingly insurmountable goals. I’m not saying childbirth is the only way to achieve this for a woman, but it sure is a heck of a mountain to conquer. And that’s not to say that a childbirth with different circumstances isn’t empowering. I’m all about doing what makes you feel comfortable. Attempting a natural childbirth just to be able to say you did it isn’t the right reason at all. Do it because you feel it’s the right choice for you and your family. Period.
Maybe you’re considering a home birth, maybe you weren’t even aware that this was an option, but I hope my experience has humanized the issue a bit for you. You would be surprised at the number of birth centers, midwifery practices, and hospital-based natural birth programs that are popping up all over the country, so I have no doubt you’ll be able to find the best option for you.
XO,
A
