If there’s one thing I’m learning as I get older, it’s that we, as women, are much more alike than we are different. We ALL have our strengths, we all have our flaws, and we all have our misguided insecurities as well. I recruited 22 of my fellow females to share what made them self-conscious back in the day, that doesn’t seem quite so dramatic any more. For me, it was my hip bones. I was painfully skinny so they jutted out, and I loathed the thought of anyone seeing them or, heaven forbid, touching them. But, ironically, it’s not something that anybody else cared about or took the time to even notice. And that’s a common theme throughout these confessions, as well. I know many of these women in person, and I have never even given a negative thought to the physical attributes that were making them so self-conscious. Or, even better, I noticed their big eyes or petite frame and I was envious! So whether you’re 60 or 16, take one lesson from all these women: you are beautiful, and you deserve to be happy in your own skin.
- April Mae Monterrosa
- Age: 38
- Blog: shinebeautifully.me
- Insecurity: When I was younger, I was insecure about my height. I was always the shortest in the class. Growing into the woman I am and realizing that my voice can be an inspiration to other women, being an esthetician and able to help others with their skin issues, the insecurities with my height disappeared. They say big things come in small packages, maybe it’s true!
- Christina Ochoa
- Age: 24
- Blog: thesocialbutterflygal.net
- Insecurity: When I was in high school, some of the guys from the football team, would make fun of me because I was perky and unique,which made me feel very insecure about myself and hurt my self-esteem. Looking back, I wish I could tell younger Christina, that the fire within her is an extraordinary strength and to not listen to opinions that won’t matter and won’t add value. Being perky and unique is something to be proud of, so wear it boldly!
- Victoria Reyna
- Age: 23
- Blog: averagelyadulting.com
- Insecurity: I hated my curly, frizzy hair. I tried everything to try slicking it down on days when I didn’t have time to straighten it. Now, I’m okay with walking out of the shower in the morning, and just letting my hair air dry naturally throughout the day. I realize now (and I wish I had known then) that when you love who you are more than what you want to look like, things like frizzy hair don’t matter. On top of that, when you’re confident in your own skin, it truly does shine through, and the things you hate most about yourself – curly hair, or whatever else – become extra things that make you uniquely, beautifully you.
- Melanie Mendez-Gonzales
- Age: 38
- Blog: QueMeansWhat.com
- Insecurity: I’ve always teased about how big my eyes are. I wished my eyes were just normal-size. It wasn’t until I learned how to apply eye makeup that I began to appreciate my big brown eyes. My first venture as an entrepreneur was selling cosmetics and these big brown eyes helped me sell a lot of makeup.
- Crystal Monique
- Age: 36
- Blog: florbellaboutique.com/blog
- Insecurity: I have always been very insecure about my nose. So much so that I had 2 rhinoplasty surgeries. My family teased me and called me horrible names all my life. Even now I still struggle with feeling pretty.
- Josie Rees
- Age: 33
- Blog: sweetjosephines.co
- Insecurity: When I was younger, I was always made fun of for my small eyes and full lips. I was extremely insecure due to all the names kids would call me. I eventually grew into and appreciated my lips (thanks Angelina Jolie!) and embraced my eye shape. Now, I like the fact that I look a bit “exotic.” (Shoutout to my mom for always telling me I looked “exotic” and trying to put a positive spin on things to make me feel better as a child, lol.)
- Liza Dora
- Age: 31
- Blog: lizadora.com
- Insecurity: I was always uncomfortable with my smile. I had terrible teeth when I was little and even after correcting them with 5 years of braces, my smile was still too big. In high school, I tried to smile smaller and then, eventually, just to smile less. But now, when I look at my life, at my friends, at my husband and at my daughter I know I was wrong. My smile isn’t nearly big enough.
- Aimee Fauci
- Age: 40
- Blog: houseoffaucis.com
- Insecurity: In 7th grade Health class, the jokester of the class asked the teacher if I was an Albino! I was actually able to laugh at his question. I have always been a very pale skinned girl and have always felt very insecure. I tried self-tanning lotions, which turned my skin orange and stayed out in the sun longer which gave me an overabundance of freckles. As I got older, much older, I noticed that women my same age looked much older than they really were, but had tanned skin. I became much more comfortable in my very white skin. No more tanning lotion and more sunblock when I go out in the sun.
- Amanda Reyna
- Age: Almost 40
- Blog: sanantoniomotherhood.com/blog
- Insecurity: The irony of my insecurity holds less weight as an adult as it did when I was a child. Back then, it was so breathtakingly overwhelming. I was a dark-skinned Hispanic girl, living in a border town, where the majority of my classmates were light skinned. Add to this: glasses, and that my Dad was a teacher at my school. I was a nerdy prieta who was too goody-two-shoes to hang out with for the fear that I might tattle to my Dad.This followed me for years.I began to shake this off when we moved to the “city,” (San Antonio) and I realize that it disappeared somewhere between my first year of college and my first job. I used humor, often, to deflect questions about my heritage. But when I found myself surrounded by people of varied cultures and colors, the weight disappeared.Now, I wish I could tell my younger self that the outside doesn’t matter. The inside is where all the magic happens, and the outside is only a preview of the beauty held within. Of course, I’m sure my younger self would likely roll her eyes in exasperation. But this message is now the mantra I share with my girls, my guerras, who care not that their mami is a little more brown than them.
- Sarah Dressler
- Age: 31
- Blog: dressedbydressler.wordpress.com
- When I was a teen I was flat chested, completely flat! I was so insecure about the way I looked because I didn’t look like the other girls. I also didn’t get the attention from boys that I thought I wanted. I would do everything I could to make my chest look larger. I stuffed padded bras and would sometimes wear two, which I’m sure now probably looked ridiculous. I don’t know how my mom let me out of the house.
The thing I realize now is that I wanted a larger chest for all the wrong reasons. I’m glad I didn’t get that attention from boys that I hoped for. Having small breasts and being super awkward looking (I was 5’11” and weighed about 95lbs when I entered high school) was a blessing in disguise. It saved me from the peer pressure I would have endured if I had been a “popular girl” with the boys. It allowed me to be a kid for a little bit longer than those other girls. After I had my children and nursed both, I would LOVE to have that small chest again. As a teen I tied my self worth to what others thought of me. If I could go back and tell my younger self anything, it would be “ignore the girls (and boys) teasing because you turn out fine!
- Marilu Segura
- Age: 32
- Blog: marilusegura.blogspot.com
- Insecurity: I was the overweight kid in high school. I was bullied, I was treated wrongly for it, and I was insecure growing up. In my senior year I lost 85lbs and it was life-changing to see both sides of what happened to me and how I was treated now as a “skinny person”. I would say to myself back then, “You are beautiful. Some people blossom earlier than others and you haven’t blossomed yet and that’s ok. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t do something and don’t let them limit your potential as to what to do in life. You are talented,smart, so sweet and if anyone doesn’t see what I see based on your heart they are seriously missing out! Don’t worry, you are going to accomplish great things in life and make a difference in other people’s lives as well! Keep your eyes on the Lord and NEVER GIVE up on your dreams! I love you!”
- Ana Balp
- Age: 34
- Blog: anabalp.me/blog
- Insecurity: When I was in my teens I was totally obsessed with how my nose looked. I thought I had an ‘eagle nose’ and while it’s true there’s a slight curvature to it, it was never really as big of a focal point as I thought. But it was certainly my most insecure moment.
Until one summer, my friend’s aunt told me she wanted to represent me as a model.
I want to tell you this event didn’t make things better, it just made me more insecure about even more parts of my body.
What would I say to my younger self is: never mind your nose. It is what makes you unique and different. Believe me flaws are ‘in’ . Think of the Madonna tooth gap.
- Adriana Silva
- Age: I am 121 years old. JK I’m 34.
- Blog: thirtyonmom.blogspot.com
- Insecurity: In Kindergarten a class mate would not play with me because I was “too dark” ( I lived in southern CA in the early 80’s) then I noticed that I didn’t have any barbies that looked like me. By the time I got to middle school I just excepted that I was second best because of tone of my skin I guess in peoples minds, myself included, being dark or “too dark” was associated with bad, uneducated, and housekeeping. In my senior year of H.S myself esteem changed I started to have this sense of confidence that I didn’t care what anyone thought of me I liked myself and I like the way I looked. I especially like my skin. I started noticing that most of my friends were doing spray tans and going to tanning salons. It’s so silly to think that I let what I saw on television and what others peoples idea of beauty and being good define me. Really, it’s what is inside of a person that makes them good and beautiful.
- Pam Lutrell
- Age: 62
- Blog: over50feeling40.com
- Insecurity: I was insecure about so many things I love now: thick hair and height come to mind first. With osteoporosis, I have lost an inch and would love to have it back. With so many friends losing hair during menopause, I am finally thankful for it. Most of all, I would counsel young women to keep their health and self care at the top of their own priority list during parenting young children. Then you are not playing catch up in your 60s like me. Keep your life in balance, be thankful for your own uniqueness, and remember comparisons are deadly.
- Beverly Ingle
- Age: 46
- Blog: n/a
- Insecurity: I was really insecure about my very pale skin (I’m of Scottish decent) and still am on occasion. When I was young, though, the insecurity was so much more intense because that was an era in which EVERYONE lied out in the sun, covered in oil, to seek the most perfect, deepest tan possible. I was always called “ghost” or similar and teased, and I often had to miss out on fun activities because there just isn’t enough sunscreen in the world to protect my skin during an entire day on the lake. I’ve come to appreciate now that not only is my fair skin beautiful and part of what makes me “me”, I’m not nearly as wrinkled as the girls who tanned their hearts out! 🙂
- Daliene Hendon
- Age: Old enough to know better 😉
- Blog: notjustanynerdyeducator.com
- Insecurity: When I was young, I was incredibly insecure about my Oklahoma country-girl accent. Imagine if you will Duck Dynasty (without the beard) crossed with Reese Witherspoon’s exaggerated Sweet Home Alabama twang, and I fell less glamorously in between. I learned over time not only how to tone it down, but also that the people who matter will know me by my words and actions- not the accent.
- Tanvi Rastogi
- Age: 34
- Blog: tanvii.com
- Insecurity: Growing up I was extremely insecure about my looks. I was overweight, had horrible case of acne and was an introvert. I did everything I could to stay out of the spotlight. Then one day, I remember, in my early teens I had taken the decision to not be an introvert anymore. It didn’t change me over night, but slowly I started to fake ‘being an extrovert’ and now 20 years later, I have gotten much better at faking it. If I could go back in time, I will tell myself, “Don’t worry. It will all work out.”
- Johnnie De La Garza
- Age: 60’s
- Blog: flicksandfood.com
- Insecurity: I was always taller that everyone else in my class until high school thanks to my really long legs. I would tell my younger self what my Mother used to tell me. “Stand up tall because one day you will appreciate your long and slender body.” (At 5’5″ she always wanted to be taller.) As I grew older, I was always asked to model for different events and stores thanks to my height. I also realize through the years that having a long body meant I didn’t have to watch my weight too much either, a plus as a food critic.
- Laura Carter
- Age: 68 years young
- Blog: marylauracarter.wordpress.com
- Insecurity: By the time I was 13 years old I was 5’10” tall. I towered over most of the boys in middle school and even high school. If I could go back, I would tell myself to stand tall and assert my personality, which I was able to do in college. That’s when I finally grew out of fretting about being tall and embraced my body. How ironic that over the past several years I’ve lost two inches of my precious height and I’m quite sad about it.
- Jolie Gray
- Age: 31
- Blog: thegraymatters.com
- Insecurity: I was incredibly insecure about my chest size in junior high. As friends started to develop, and I lagged behind, I was devastated. It is the only thing I can remember as a young woman that really stood out. I have always been comfortable in my own skin, but that really took its toll on me. Now, I am definitely not considered a woman with large breasts, but I am happy with what I have and grateful that they are not so big I am uncomfortable or unable to workout easily.
- Miranda Koerner
- Age: 31
- Blog: aduckinherpond.com
- Insecurity: My stomach. I’ve always had a pooch, and when I was struggling with infertility and folks would ask me if I was pregnant, I’d either fly into a rage or burst into tears. It’s ironic when I have great legs and arms, good skin and hair and can run/ swim/ lift/ dance, that I’m fussing over having a little potbelly inherited from my Dad, who has the exact same build. Now that I’ve got a daughter, when I catch myself bemoaning the fact I still look five months pregnant after losing all my baby weight and toning every other part but my lower stomach, I should say I’m not self-conscious or I don’t care. But I do. I just recognize that I never want Adrielle to obsess over her body the way I have mine, so I make an effort to focus on what I can change, instead of what I can’t. I never want my daughter to feel as though she’s not perfect, and I’m sure my mother would want the same.
- Sarah Roberts
- Age: 38
- Blog: franklyentertaining.com
- Insecurity: When I was younger I was always really
Self conscious about my thumbs. It’s a
completely random insecurity, but the’re
short and fat, and I used to compare my
hands to my sisters’, which are pretty
much perfect. I don’t really like my thumbs
today, but the truth is, I have too many
other things to worry about, that I don’t
even think about them. I wish I could have
told my younger self that other people
are so worried about themselves that
nobody is noticing you.
Thank you to all the women who were so willing to share their insecurities with the world, I know how scary that can be! What were YOU self-conscious about back in the day? Let me know in the comments!
XO,
A
